Anyone that has ever had a child has experienced the question, “Are you going to try for another to get a (insert opposite gender of first child)?” I used to struggle how to answer that. Then once pregnant, you receive the news that you are having another boy, or another girl and people give you this assessing gaze, calculating if you are actually happy with the news of a repeated gender.
It’s like they are waiting for you to reveal how devastated you are; for you to reveal your honest inner desires of wanting the opposite of what you got. Some feel like they should even apologize to you, you know...for your loss. What do us mothers REALLY think, feel, desire? Where do we sign him up for school? Should we home school, private school, or public? Who do we hire for speech therapy? What community programs should we sign up for? How can we help him to be more independent? What skills should we work on next?
These are my current thoughts, worries and should decide soon items for my four year old son. Do you ever have extra energy required moments?
Those moments where you are just DONE and dreaming of bed time or for Dad to come home? Your kid won’t eat what you made for dinner, The toddler peed on the floor again, Another mess was dropped, You found food on the wall, You stepped on another toy, They won’t stop screaming, They are fighting again, They won’t go to bed, They won’t nap, They won’t put their shoes on, They won’t let you pee alone, They’re flopping on the floor, Your husband’s running late... "Contentment will come when you are grateful about everything."
I heard this quote recently and it stopped me in my tracks. I knew I was struggling to be content in my current situations because I knew my heart was not at ease and I yearned for the future and for things not yet revealed. As a mother, we are always looking ahead. We are busy planning ahead to purchase all their seasonal attire, we plan holidays and events, meal planning for the week, signing up for recreational activities, etc. If were not planning ahead, we get behind. With this in our nature, it's easy to also try to plan ahead the things that are beyond our control; or not just plan ahead, WISH ahead. Do you struggle with anger? Do you find anger creeping up in your heart?
I recently realized I was becoming angry in moments far too often than I’d prefer to admit. It bugged me. Why can these little people that I love so much make me THIS angry, THAT fast? One defiant moment and here I was blowing more steam and anger than my kids defiant “no.” Why did defiance make me this angry? Why do I become so frustrated so quickly? Structuring your day as a parent with young kids is an art.
Are you over whelmed as I am? Feeling like you have a never ending “to do” list and just when you feel like you accomplished a lot you turn around and there’s another list to feel guilty about? I feel like I can never catch up; like I can’t catch my breath. I dream for the day that I can say I’m bored! I hustle and work my momma but off crossing off things from my “mandatory” list as it all has to get done right? I have to feel productive and accomplished. I have to see the end of my list. I’m a stay at home mom, this list is my job! Right? Oh hey there mom guilt. Not really nice to see you…again.
Anyone else struggle with guilt in some shape or form like it’s some sort of rite of passage to motherhood? How can we not when there are just so many different “hats” us moms are “supposed” to wear. I wanted to be the cool mom. The mom that said yes to everything.
It’s easy to hate the word “no.” I try to remember that you’re still little and learning but some days that knowledge and understanding is not enough when today is just too tough. Days when there are just so many no’s. Motherhood; It’s easy to get lost in your never ending to do list and never ending mundane tasks. But, if you had spare time and could do one thing, YOUR CHOICE, what would it be?
I had this crazy thought one day…What are all the things that I do as a mom? What do I spend most of my time doing? (It was a LONG list!) I included items like laundry, cleaning (vacuuming/bathroom), food shopping, Facebook, watching TV, etc. Then I wrote a list of all the things I’d love to spend my time doing; journaling, writing, taking baths, playing music, reading, baking, etc. I then wrote beside each item how many times I thought I did said activity in the last 30 days. I wasn’t surprised that Facebook received a 30 as well as watching TV. Laundry had 6 days, food shopping had 4 and cleaning had 2. Then I got to my “things I love list.” The journey begins,
It felt like it took me a long time to get to this point in my life. When you’re a person of many passions, sometimes you dip your feet into many things; I’ve been a youth worker, a camp counsellor, a nanny, a Behavioural Line Therapist, Special Educational Assistant, math tutor, worship leader, church nursery volunteer, greeting, communion and usher director, a mentor, moms group coordinator, photographer and at one point an aspiring musician trying to write the tracks to her first CD. Some of those passions went “places,” served a time and purpose; some crashed and BURNED. |
Taryn BennettWife. Mama. Doula. Writer. Blogger. Singer. Christian. Archives
October 2023
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