Anyone that has ever had a child has experienced the question, “Are you going to try for another to get a (insert opposite gender of first child)?” I used to struggle how to answer that. Then once pregnant, you receive the news that you are having another boy, or another girl and people give you this assessing gaze, calculating if you are actually happy with the news of a repeated gender.
It’s like they are waiting for you to reveal how devastated you are; for you to reveal your honest inner desires of wanting the opposite of what you got. Some feel like they should even apologize to you, you know...for your loss.
What do us mothers REALLY think, feel, desire?
Of course, the common known (safe) response; a healthy baby we all say.
Now, I can only speak on my own opinion here, but I can and do have to mention that every person is different. Some people really DO have desires for a certain gender and greave when they find out they are carrying the same gender as their first (or first two or three, etc).
It is a true, real, raw and NORMAL emotion for any mother to feel; the disappointment of not experiencing a certain gender. It’s not just mothers that can feel this but fathers can feel the same emotions, for example, for not having a son to carry their name. These emotions are worldwide and common therefore; I cannot dismiss the very real emotions that can come with finding out the news of the gender of your baby. Some people care, dream, wish and pray;
Just not me.
So what do I really think?
I have two boys. I can’t tell you how many people have asked me if we will try for a girl next. Over the years I’ve developed a cheeky remark back that has been “Actually, we try for healthy babies and so far have been very successful.” Whoops! A little rude but definitely gets the point across haha...
Like we can choose gender anyways, am I right?
Well, my husband and I decided to try for number three (yes, we planned this crazy life!). No, we did not try for a certain gender (a lot of people ask me that!) and at 20 weeks we were blessed to find out the news, YUP, another BOY! THREE BOYS!
Can you guess how people responded?
We got anywhere from, “Wow, your hands will be full,” to “That will be one loud house!” to “Oh... (long pause), are going to try for a fourth then to get your girl?”
I sadly can count on my hand how many people actually only said “congrats” and sincerely meant it.
Some actually tried to justify it being OK to me, like I needed the ‘it’s going to be OK that we are having three boys' by saying, “Oh well girls are HARD anyways” or “teenage boys are easier than teenage girls, so count yourself lucky.”
You know how I count myself lucky? I will have THREE BOYS! Plain and simple! God willing; three strong, healthy, responsible, respectful, hardworking, MEN.
There’s got to be mothers for boys too. I’m just called to be one of them.
A mother to raise those types of men for YOUR daughters.
What a blessing to be called to raise three young men; to teach them how to respect and honor woman. To teach them, guide them and prepare them not just for adulthood but for marriage and fatherhood.
My boys will have an example of a healthy marriage, with my husband as an example of how to treat their wives. They will also have an example of fatherhood at its finest.
How lucky are my boys, to be blessed with their father; my husband.
But ill miss out on all the dolls and arts and crafts? The nurturing character of little girls and helpful hands they provide as another female in the house. Ya, stop there.
My boys LOVE dolls (no gender biased toys over here!) and pretty sure my boys love to get out the glue and scissors and are more than happy to do crafts with me. They also love bigger projects with nails and hammers and that’s awesome too!
My boys will learn how to cook and clean, do laundry, cut the grass, and take out the garbage, etc. We want to raise our boys to be well rounded, independent and future help mates to their wives.
Wives? Yup, my three daughters.
I already pray for them. I think of them often actually. I pray that their earthly fathers are great examples of love, patience and affection towards them; that they KNOW their worth and beauty in this world.
I’m preparing MY boys for my future daughters.
Every day with my boys is another day I am preparing them THEIR wives.
There’s nothing more beautiful than that for me.
I have a purpose and a calling to raise my three boys; nothing brings me greater joy.
I am a mom of THREE boys and I am blessed.
Wife. Mama. Doula. Writer. Blogger. Singer. Christian.